Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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