A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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