you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
