When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize