conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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