he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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