Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
True but thats because hes a fetus.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
