you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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