Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
my liver is dry heaving
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize