I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
