all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
