I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
