I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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