I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
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Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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