i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
