drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
