hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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