If i come over, it means nothing
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
