Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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