im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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