And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
