remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
