how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
