What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
