Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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