Plan B is the new Plan A
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
