Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
