When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
