Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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