What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
