Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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