Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
