Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
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if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
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I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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