Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
