somebody snuck up and got me drunk
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
