yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
