I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
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He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
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If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize