One girl and one boy is just not enough.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
