i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
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I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
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I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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