And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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