I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
