Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
