is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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