Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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