Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
