how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
