good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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