I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
