You're so nebulous sometimes
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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