upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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