Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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