I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i dont even know how to be here
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
