New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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