"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
it's like iHOP with fire
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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