When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
