i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
