Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
