'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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