that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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