he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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