every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
