4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
there's paper in my vomit.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
