is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
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i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
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Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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