I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
