We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
