he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
