The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
