the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
