a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
