words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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