Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
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All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
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Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing