So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
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Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
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I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs