how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
