I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
