Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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