he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
