Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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