i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
